sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
