Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
