We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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