We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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