Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
