You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
