Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
