if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
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