i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
