It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
