We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
