is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
