Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I made him laugh his dick is mine
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
