Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
