You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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