Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
