I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I just had sex on a roof
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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