there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
