I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
