I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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