We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Randomize