Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
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