I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
