How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Send help, water and tortillas.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
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