go do what you do best...puke behind churches
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
