You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
