The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
