Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
you win again, gameday.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
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