im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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