shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Houston, we have a blender
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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