Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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