i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
