Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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