I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Randomize
