Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
