apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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