3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Randomize
