i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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