I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
