I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
