also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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