there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
