My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
