I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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