we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
