we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
