just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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