Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
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