And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
