I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
two words: eviction party
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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