i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
