I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I am available for nakedness
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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