I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
