Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
