yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
My ass is underappreciated
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
