everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
