Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
