so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
