Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
