I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
