My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
