Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Boobs speak an international language.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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