Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
if only i could text you this smell
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
