It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
