I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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